Santa's a doucher

I don't remember the first time i encountered the magic of christmas..... but i imagine it went something like this. Long ago in the big city of Saskatoon, me and my father were shopping in the mall, when i saw the fat jolly man himself, sitting there in his chair taking other kids wish lists. I asked my father if i can go sit on Santa's lap, he said no because he is a 40 year old pedophile. But not really at all, he said yes and i told Santa that i wanted a hot wheels ring of fire. I never got it and thats when i found out that Santa wasn't real. That was a real kick in my twigNberries.